have u ever been desperate enough to beg your "friends" for a desperate need?

i did it a few times in the past couple of weeks and all i got was this -
- they turned they back,
- told me they got much too,
- told me "you can do it wan lah"
- show a sorry-i-can't-help-u face,
- hardened their heart (as i feel the blow to my face),
- expecting me to pull off a miracle (on my own),
- expecting me to forgive them (cos i'm a church leader w/o emotions or stress like them),
- walked away,
- leaving me,
- buried alive,
- by myself.

it somehow brings a picture of someone standing at the edge WATCHING another person drowning in the pool - without wanting to do anything cos he/she cant help but let the fella drown lah - cos no strength to help other ppl.

hmm.. or maybe it's more like nobody actually care lah. drowning in the big pool all alone cos everyone busy trying to stay afloat in their own pool, why should anyone care of other pool, right?

it felt like a slap across the face to wake up from any more other expectations from "friends".
i wish i can dont need to forgive them and tell them to their faces that they just hurt me and i want to hurt them back and dont wan to love them anymore and they are not friends.
the tears that are flowing from my eyes now are brought by you, "friend".
i look left, look right, i see i am actually deserted to stand alone again. again, proven my theory on 'fending myself cos nobody will be there for you, my dear."

i'm warning everyone,
DON'T tell me "you can do it wan lah" or "u sure can wan" or "u are sharon wor, u can pull it thru" !!!
it sounds exactly like telling me "go drown by yourself in your own pool and dont bother me"
i am telling you now - i hate those sentences.
one more time i hear it i might lose control and shout at you.

all i am saying is if two person stress and stretched together can get the job done, why let one person stress over it and not get the job done?

whatever. tired. drained. dried. dont want to talk about it.
lei sei lei sie.

sharon, snap out of it.

okok... maybe i've been emo and harsh and angry when i wrote the above. ah but then.... god provided a way out d! so i've no excuse not to let go and move on, right? cos God is good and faithful to me... ops..

notting hill

just finished watching the movie - notting hill.
the joy, the love and ............. the romance in the movie is really touching.
an old movie but it still does leave an after taste in you.
if you've ever watch the movie, especially the ending, does it makes you wonder and think - does all relationships end so sweetly, happily ever after, with a love song playing at the background, lying with the look of peace and contentment, a devoted to each other couple? did u ever wonder?

i just wonder because i've watched too many broken relationships, betrayed marriages and couple fights in my short lifetime, not to mentioned the endless input from all the drama, movies and tv. even gross, sick, bloody ones.

where is the music in that?

oh well.
i guess, like in FIREPROOF, you've got to work for it to happen - the peace, the contentment and the devotion to each other - not so sure if there would be any romantic love song at the background all the time though... haahaha..

wish u all a sweet dream tonight.

stress??

what to do when u are stress? if you cant beat it, then work around it for a little bit:
  • get sporting friends to do dress up together with you and go church service or go out on a surprise girlish date and do girlish things and talk girlish talks and do the dumb blond laugh and take all the pictures u want to take wherever u want to and not think about the list of things to do.
  • dressing up makes you feel more confident than the person with the unfinished pile of work.
  • having friends to laugh together let you let go and remember your carefree self again
  • have a good meal just to pamper yourself a little bit for the hard work you've put in to whatever we were doing.
this is my little self-medication/prescription for this season! hahahaha...
Add Video
*me and all my raw food. one day i told yc i think i no more like jap food cos jelak with it d. two days after that, i had this craving for raw salmon and the next day we went raw food hunting! hahaha.... me and my fickle-mind-ed-ness-es and cant-wait-to-attack-my food-face.

john grisham


went for book hunt yesterday, i wanted to get stress-less books like enid blyton - the naughtiest girl series or the new added-on malory towers series or St Clare's series or the faraway tree series but then the new range has become soooo expensive RM30 per book when i used to buy it like RM11.90 previously. new cover so new price. so end up i didnt buy any because i feel ripped off!! hahaha... then pass by carrefour and saw this. RM33.55. erm.... i guess it's ok for this price kwa... plus i dun have this in my collection of JG.

Grisham's book that i have or have read includes:
The Broker
Bleachers
The King of Torts
The Summons
The Brethren
The Testament
The Street Lawyer
The Partner
The Chamber
The Firm
A Time to Kill

my favs of JG that i've read at least 5 times
The Client
The Pelican Brief
The Rainmaker
The Runaway Jury

Shun, when u go to another bookfair, please help me stock up enid blyton... thanks!
today, i just feel like screaammmiiinnngggg out loud... ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
too much!! too much!! getting buried!

so what happened at SURABAYA - day 3

time is something that flew passed in the past few weeks. not sure how to catch it so i can have time to blog. this i've done a while ago so post this for now first lah...
this should be DAY FOUR to DAY COME BACK.

*this jackee thing happened on day 3 checking out. but the rest of day three would only come in another post lah.. hope u are brilliant enough not to be confused by me. hahaha..

didnt know Jackee that well. mostly hi and byes in church but he's actually quite a gentleman. he will carry our bags and look out for the sisters! saham naik... ahhaa...

we went for a short walk to see where does the sulfur goes to. these workers goes right down into the crater and (don't know how but) scooped the liquid sulfur and it will dry up into these yellow chunks. carried about 100kg down from that high mountain top (walking faster than our team) to this factory to be weighed and sold. 100kg is about RM30 they get and because there are so many workers, each person is only allowed two rounds a day and then they change shift to another group of ppl. they are so poor that if we take their pictures, they do ask for money! from the factory, it's being take to the other factories where it's manufactured into other more useful products. don't ask me into what because i have no idea and neither did my guide. so...although i didnt trek up to the crater, i wont miss joining in the hot spring dip! yeah!

we saw an accident and my fellow tour guide and the driver rushed out to give a helping hand, offering water and pulling the bike up and making sure the guy was ok. he's fine, just blood all over. so we left after making sure he's alright and didnt needed to be sent to the hostpital or something.
if it looks like we banged the fella on the floor and ended up begging at the streets, then it's not!! haahaha... the car broke of the belt thing that therefore no air-con, so we stopped by the 24-hour mechanic to fix it but they don't have the right size so we were waiting for them to get it from another shop. it was a lllllloooooooonnnnnggggg night. i think we waited for an hour at least like almost midnight time i think...
we stayed at KLUB BUNGA HOTEL. every morning, we have to walk through this hallway into the cafe! hahaha.... ALIEN VS PREDATOR!! hahahahahaahhaa..... cool!!the next day, we set off to another waterfall. this one is more commercialized to be a tourist spot where there are proper road and everything. lots of ppl there. we quickly went in and took some shots as a big bus load of students alight and serbu in. hahahaha....

we went to the fruit farm for visitation. and each of us gets to pluck two apples by ourselves! wow... what great fun horrr... ahhahaha... i'm pretty impressed with the guide's skill in skinning the apple in one long strip... he even speaks little bit of mandarin cos got lots of tourists from taiwan. i brought back the apples. the green apples are sweet but the red apples are sourish! kinda opposite from us here. and the red apples are called 'jonathan'! hahahaha..
guess where we bought souvenirs to bring back??
GIANT SUPERMARKET! hahahahaha..... we cant find any other place to buy the whole kek lapis. all the bakery sells it in cut slices. so we came and we conquered the whole shelf or kek lapis and these three ppl here in the picture, they conquered the whole shelf of mie sedappp!!!! each one box (plus the local chilli sauce too)
ok. i forgot what this fruit is called (not the bananas) but it's a local fruit that elaine enjoyed a lot. but for some of us, it smells like 'clothes that you washed but wasnt dry properly'. ewwwwwww.... i washed my hands immediately after touching it and have one small slice. it tasted ok only but not worth the stinky-effort. so i wont touch it again. hahaha...
aha!! caught him in feminized action!
when i fly back, i switched to the front seat to be nearer to the rest of team but didnt realised that this is the emergency exit seat. hmm... kinda feel pressured with the responisibility. and a little drama with the senior air-hostess cos the crew forgot to tell me that i cant leave my bag under the seat in front cos this is the emergency exit. but i do feel that airasia's air hostess are not friendly or smiley. i've not sat in one flight where the crew do smile that i'm beginning to think that it's their 'facial uniform'. and mind you, i've taken airasia from alor star-kl, kl-hongkong-kl, kl-brunei-kl, kl-kk-kl, kl-bali-kl, kl-surabaya-kl and none of them really did smile. but this time, on my way out of the flight, i spoke to the flight hostess in front that one of the crew did not give me and my friends our change after we bought the food. (total of RM2, RM1 & RM1). guess what, she, being her unprofessional self, muttered to us that "oh no, she didnt give you the change?!! i'll kill her." hahahahaha.... what happened to professionalism and unity in the company?? jorrr... oh well. that ends the drama of the day or the trip as i go home, drop dead sleep. ooooo... how i miss my bed, my blanket my bolster and the smell of it all. i woke up the next day at 1pm. hahahaha...

how not to cry?

remember i posted this question at the msn the other day?
that was really quite a stressful season kwa and i dont want to cry but still ended up crying in the afternoon and then nailin took me out to dinner at shabu-shabu (nice!!) and she said something that made me think and it kinda affected me as well. when i reach home, i cried in the shower again, hoping my mom can only hear the water sound. just overwhelmed lah. still evaluating and trying to figure myself out. haaaiiihh...


this morning i came in and right in the middle of my table is this bottle of ribena with a note that says " tear prevention =) ". isn't she sweet? she's really thoughtful and notices what i like and cheer me up with her thoughtfullness. thanks, jas, your thoughtfulness is sweeter than sweetened ribena! it makes me cry... and you make it easier to go through the day. thank you for loving me when i needed it in the way that spells love to me. you're the gem!


look!

look what me n trish did on monday!!
the two of us spent eight hours in IOI Mall! who would have thought... IOI Mall?! haha... we spent about 40mins in nichii itself. trying on clothes and then telling each other it's nicer on them. hhaha... girls... then we went to catch ICE AGE and laugh together gether at the tango and the brocolli and and and... hahaha...
and the night ended with us doing our nails. a girlish day!

kl

hmmm...... like i said in eye-note, i took the mission team to kl.
two of the things i discovered are these:

1. the toilet in central market is sooooooo interesting! hahahah.... to enter, u need to put in coins! and they used the traditional wooden flipping doors to each stall!! i soo tempted to take a pic but i figured the ppl inside wont be so comfortable. ahahaha... so i didnt.

2. i was waiting for them to come back from their walk down petaling street and i saw this sign that say "DILARANG MENJUAL PRODUK CETAK ROMPAK" right at the entrance of petaling street!!! how ironic is that!! jorrr....



so what happened at Surabaya??

if i didnt tell u or u didnt know, i went to surabaya, indonesia from jun 18 to 23 with Kat's company trip! hehehe..... well, i basically didnt know what to expect, with the swine flu or with the itinerary of the trip. more like come what may kind of feel...

no time for a long post. so here's the start of a ever-lengthening-til-finish post!

but first off, we need protection mask of course!! hehehe...

this is why we need to wear mask!!!
see that! it so happened, we flew there in AK556 and then we rode in a jeep with the number plate 556 again! hahaha... we drove from hotel to the sea of sand and then on to the savannah and on an on....

isabelle


i am going to be super biased and say my god-daughter is super cute! hahaah... though she yau sing kak wan...

happy anniversary, gary & elaine!!

ching lui chong... i buy wan!

love myself?

i think i just l..o...v...e....... my hair! hahaha...


u jump she jump he jump

everyone jumped in the end...
*just didnt have the shot of elaine n lowi also jump...


kek ambon

hmmm.... i know pc like kek ambon. but i tot it can only be found in medan. but when were there, we accidentally found dat the ppl sell that cake as well. we searched high and low for the whole thing but we only found slices here and there. on the last day, right before we go airport, we stopped at this market to get 'keluak' for elaine and accidentally spotted the ambon here!! yahoo... so i bought one for pc cos it's her favourite cake. when we left, i felt the holy spirit prompted in my heart that 'he gives the desire of those who love him.' He meant for me to get it for pc! so i had to hand carry the cake all the time and be careful not to squash it! hahaha... passed it to her when i reach home that night itself. i heard she finished it the next day! so... pc's got her earthly reward from God.

see the excited faces?? hahahahaha...