Why didnt i dance 'who am i'?

On Apr 7 & 8 2007, we did a dance for easter weekend.
the dancers involved were Nai Lin, Vitto, Doreen and Yean Ching.
We edited some clips from 'the passion of the christ' with the chorus of 'we are the reason' and then followed by casting crown's song 'who am i'. this is where they dance. a slow song with a heavy beat - lyrical hiphop! =)

over the weekend, i kept answering these questions over and over again... "sharon, how come you didnt dance?" or "Sharon, why weren't you in the dance?".... hahaa...

i wasn't annoyed. it's just that i don't know how to answer.
so, my respond ranges from 'just smiling' to 'they needed only 4 people' to 'go ask nailin' =)
but here, let me share 2 memorable answers that other people thought of me...

the first one, since this is not a favorable answer, let's not mention name here... =)
she thinks that i did not dance because...'i thought your passion is to manage the team and not to dance...'
i was kinda shocked when i heard that answer actually. not sure to be offended or to laugh... more like bewildered and made confused. haha...
#1, dance IS my passion. dance makes me feel like i'm in the presence of god. dancing makes me happy. i remember many of my most stressed times, i will close my eyes, on the worship cd and just move...
#2, i don't remember ever saying that i want to manage. in fact, i rejected the idea so many times when kel or kaz brought it up cos i really DON'T WANT to manage.
#3, she's supposedly someone close to me... hahhaa...

the second memorable answer is favorable so let's mention name here... =)
on the tuesday office devotion after the performance weekend, this time, it was pastor who popped the question, "sharon, how come you weren't in the dance" he asked with a smile...
again i was caught whether to give the long version or the short version answer.
before i could start, PC (3 cheers to her!) spoke. "the dance is in pair and there was 5 people so she sacrificed herself so that the others get a chance to dance." just like that she blurted it out to the whole gang that was in pastor's room. wow...
i felt like i was redeemed. someone believed in me, came to my rescue and set me on the honor seat. i was moved to tears literally.
PC, how come you always know the right thing to do at the right time? how come you can just know it? i felt like there was still one person who know me enough to defend me... i think i just love you a little bit more now! hahaha...

here's the long version explanation if you must know.
actually,
#1, i was really busy in the office and i missed many practices.
#2, although i tried to catch up, i also don't want to make it as though, 'just because i'm the dance leader, therefore i'm definitely in the dance' even though i missed practices.
#3, on top of that, one my girl say that i tell story better than i dance and that was like a small discouragement to my already low-self-esteem at the point of life... i felt like i wasn't good enough.
#4, on the day of choosing dancers (monday) i missed the practice because i chose to take the time to work on the sales account that i owed pastor for so many months and i felt guilty if i take the time to dance and not finish what i owe pastor... that of course irked nai lin.. haha.. but she so graciously forgave me ;)
#5, the other 2 dancers really worked so hard at every practice that i felt they deserve more than a chance at it... i can't be bias because i lead.
#6, i felt inadequate and not good enough.. but this was clarified with something Nai Lin said that i cant reveal here... ahaha...

of course, after giving up the chance to dance, i felt so sad that my heart cries inside...
many times during the practices (although i'm not dancing, i need to manage them in the room), i had to walk out of the room when i can't bear the pain of seeing dance and not dancing - just to calm myself before i enter the room again in the right spirit to lead the team... that's why it so vexed me when they were not in the right spirit because they get a chance to tell the world to worship God and yet they are NOT making it a glorious testimony - of course i [whacked/challenged/prayed with/speak to] them for real but eventually we were all in the same spirit and same heart to do it! and in one accord we went all out for it...

i'm indeed happy for them. they are still my team, they are still my best-mates, my friends and my comrades. even if i didn't do the dance, they are still my best-partners in this dream. i still feel so proud of them. especially when pc (for the first time) say that they were together and they were really worshipping in the dance, i felt i burst with pride! Alright!! come on, team! we did it! we all did it together as a team. =)

i hope that we can bring this message to many other places. maybe to penang in oct?? hehehe...

i share this here simply to tell you that because we are all in Christ therefore the ending is a beautiful picture. no one is bitter, no offenses, even though the journey was not smooth yet we are still in one accord.
this right here, is a testimony of being Christians, walking in according to the bible.... a beautiful picture we painted... in christ we are able. look at the picture, we are all laughing together on the performance morning because we are in one accord.. hehehe...

it's not easy building a team, it takes grace. i thank God for being the great god that did it through us.
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

indeed we are just flowers that are quickly fading, yet the 1 accord dancers is going to do that which we proclaim... we don't just dance the dance, we live the dance...

hope you were ministered by the dance. i surely saw it in ours.