Stress or not to stress

To be stressful or not to be stressful, it is really not up to me to say or allow. Even if I don't want to step on other's toes, somehow or rather offenses will happen and people will step on my toes, like it or not. 

The past few weeks has been such a turmoil n turbulence filled week. Things kept happening non stop day after day and I've been just trying to keep my head above waters but tears kept falling down. 

I've got to admit that I'm really not so good at handling people, situations n stress. I kept breaking down or burnout that last night I afraid I might actually stress out David cos he also felt helpless in trying to pull me "out of the black box in the corner".

From missing cash to police station to being threatened to being disturbed phone calls to mental to conflicts to offenses... Each time this happen, I felt pushed to a corner, further in a corner, further into my darkness... People may see just their side of the story but they have no idea I'm already at the corner n already in darkness. They think they are just offended over one matter but that one thing is added to the mountain loads of stuffs others already pushing me into darkness. Last night was really like a straw that fall on my mountain load that just broke me. I know I was losing control of my sanity n just want to end it all n I'm more afraid because I know I wasn't even controlling my mind from thinking all those thoughts. I just let myself slip on n on... Free fall into depression n tots.  

When will stressful days be over? When will life turn around? When will people stop offended n angry at me? Can we all just live in peace? When will my peace of mind return to me? 

Life. Is stressful. 

But I'm glad there is David. Juliet asked me to remember, nov 2012 I'm still thinking when will I be loved but nov 2013 I will be getting married. Focus on the right things. David told me one thing which strike me last night. My biggest fear is that I will be thrown into the "cold palace" n being treated like a "toy" but what's the big deal? He said to me, "nobody can treat u like a toy unless u allow it". That kinda strike me. All these years I let it be and not voice out. So I should make a stand and even if my decision is wrong, I can't go back so I should just move on. 

That's him taking me to Bukit Tinggi to de-stress.. With lollipop! 

I can't stop being stressful n I can't stop people from stressing me but I can stop myself from sitting in the black box .. Because there is David Yap.