twist & turn

the twists and turns of life some times brings us to new places, to places we don't want to go, to places we've been there and done that again…

watched a fishing show yesterday…. some times like the fish, i am also twisting and turning and gasping for breath… not knowing whether is it my last breath and will be devoured as someone's dinner or find some unexpected saving grace where the person after shooting the show will let me go free and more miracle if the person actually dived in to released me back into the safe deeper bottom of the river in the correct direction to see me continue to go in the right direction and produce more fruitfulness.

what think you?

birthday 2014

this year it's a special birthday day for me. it's not just the first time i'm celebrating as a MRS, it's also the first time david is celebrating my birthday with me.

we took a trip to golden palm resort at sepang for a 2d1n away from the city since we've gotten a free room stay. we got upgraded cos the free room was not ready by the time we arrived. it was a lessing in disguised as we get to use the bathtub and this room is definitely bigger with a better view.

we went for dinner and before the night ends, the waitress and waiters came singing happy birthday with a cake and flowers of course. i was surprised and happy of course. good thing there were not many people around and i kinda feel shy. hahahahaha…. and then after that we went back to our room and when i came out from the toilet, there's a gift on the bed and later david came rushing out from the other toilet carrying the card. hahahaha….. he's really not much of a event planner or a romance… lol.

i love him.




though he didn't plan a flawless day or able to do all the romantic stuffs, but he did what he could.

later i asked him what would be his ideal birthday idea and he said that a casual day with no plans and no work and just enjoy the day as we go along. then it's no wonder he did not plan much for the day cos that would be his ideal kind of a day. hahahaha…. he gave me his most ideal kind of day.

the night ended with a simple dinner where he tried to make heart shape pork chop. he gave his passion and heart in preparing a meal and oh yes, he also lighted a candle and sang happy birthday to me. that was when i almost cry. my husband really loves me a lot.

though the day is not filled with plans and unlike my usual style or with a lot of surprises, yet it's life with a husband that loves me. that was how my 2014 birthday was spent…. life with a husband that loves me. i love him too.

did some really domestic tasks like……….. buy lunch for my husband, vacuum the floor, wipe the kitchen countertop, hang the laundry….. lol… all things i need not do for the past thirty over years! i am not really sure i can make it all up the standard of david yap… his cleanliness standard is rather high!… i asked him if he'd chose the right wife? cos i might not be able to achieve "the good wife" standard .. to be honest.

married life


one thing i discovered "after the dust has settled" … is that  we have very different "time zones"… i wake up early, he wake up late, i sleep early, he sleep late, i eat at breakfast time, lunch time and dinner time, while he eats at "after finish work time"… which usually spells as late lunch or supper time lol… by then I'm very hungry and my hands starts shivering and i start to be mang chang d! hahahaha…

more discovery coming up… 

Getting Married ...

Well.. NOV 09, 2013 came and left… in a brief moment..

before the day arrive, i was wishing that it will be over soon so i can stop adjusting details for the day… and during the day, i was trying to do everything within time frame and do as much as i can to achieve the most of the day in my sickly condition, popping fisherman's friend the whole day to stop my coughing, by night, i wish it's over so i can go home and rest… now that the day has past for a couple of weeks, looking back, i am still amazed at how God provided and how things fall into place and watching the video highlight over and over again still bring back strong emotions.

i still remember that in the morning, i was all nervous and jittery awaiting the guys to arrive. Coordinating so many weddings before but when it's my turn, i thought that i would have been calm and collected but in the end i was also emotional and don't know what to expect. Even though I know what's the plan and the itineraries, yet i have no idea the emotions that came with the day, came when David walk in with the flowers…

the church ceremony flew past like a breeze. i was just following orders and just moving along without much thought what's next or how to be next… all the way until after the ceremony and i realized that my feet was in pain cos of the high heels! lol.

i don't know if i spoke too much for the speech but i "just do it" only and be done with that part of the ceremony and hopefully did not offend anyone.  =P

after that was the bride's side tea ceremony. that was almost disastrous.. hahaha… i told everyone to go to the west wing but then the ceremony was in the east wing and the room was unprepared… opssies…. not sure if the family will be upset but then i can't do much on the spot d.

after that we some more travelled to my photographer's studio to take some studio shots! i think i was dead tired from the coughing and the fatigue of the week leading up to the day. i still enjoy it but i can't help feeling soooo tired. but it was still a fun time at the studio. hopefully awesome photos will come out of it.

and then the evening went with a blur too. we arrived and wait and wait and wait for the family to arrive for tea ceremony. it was really tough for me to remember all the names of the new family members… especially calling them in HOKKIEN!!!! hahahahha….  i will probably need David's help again the next time we meet them.

but worse of all is the club/dinner management. they totally ruined the dinner with the bad services. i could not believe me eyes when they were rolling back the red carpet in the middle of the dinner and mount it to the shoulder without checking for anyone walking behind them and almost knocked my brother in law if he did not move fast in avoiding it!! HOW COULD THEY?! They shouldn't be keeping carpet in the middle of the dinner with the dust flying around wad! and on top of that, when we complain about this matter, they supervisor had the nerve to ask us to make the final payment to close the deal!! OH MMMM GEEEE… my fire would have flared up and devoured them if David did not hold me back and ask me to let him settle it! by far the worse dinner services I've received… no recommendation for the place if you ever ask me again. BANNED!! when we came down after the even was over (dessert did not even come ut by 1130pm!!), the other wedding dinner host from the hall downstairs was also arguing with the downstairs manager while David was arguing with the upstairs manager in charge…  i was sickly and upset at the same time! by then i was glad it's all over and can slowly drive back to aman suria to take a shower! Thank God for Nai Lin for driving me so i didn't have to drive. i was almost falling asleep in the car.

well, the day is over and things happened but like i always tell the brides and grooms, the most important thing about the day is WE GOT MARRIED! As long as we got married, the details are just details… forget about it! =)







Koh tai Lai

Koh tai lai👌










Gosh!

Oh gosh! It's 44 more days ahead only!!

...it's coming soon...

We've broken the 90s, 80s, 70s and now....... Into the 60 over days!!! 

*excitedly beaming! Ehhehehe 

Mr Right

Someone just congratulate me in finding my Mr Right. 
Is there really such a thing as mr right? Is it really just one guy on my girl's life that is the right person?

Yes, I've to admit that I felt right being with David n in more than one ways. we are right together in terms of certain beliefs or certain decisions but there are also a lot of ways we do not agree or we fight over it or we get offended with each other... If feeling right together makes him my Mr Right then does it mean when we fight, it makes him Mr Wrong?

In my church, my pastors teaches us to be the mr right or ms right instead of finding the mr right or ms right..... I guess it's because in a relationship, we learn to work things out n make it work instead of expecting the other party to always know wad is the right thing to do cos many times we ourselves also do not know what is the right thing to do so we shouldn't put such an unrealistic expectation on others!

I'm not Ms Right for David Yap but I want to do my best in loving him, making him happy n supporting him in walking this journey call life together with him. Likewise I know he's also learning to do the same thing in his journey with me. This made us right for each other. 

I thank god there is this person call David Yap in my life. He adds to my life. :) 
Will everyone stop pushing me off the cliff? When will it all stop? When will it b enough for all of you? Stop making me carry all the faults of the world...  

I feel like going to sleep ... n not waking up... 

This, then, is how you should pray:


Stress or not to stress

To be stressful or not to be stressful, it is really not up to me to say or allow. Even if I don't want to step on other's toes, somehow or rather offenses will happen and people will step on my toes, like it or not. 

The past few weeks has been such a turmoil n turbulence filled week. Things kept happening non stop day after day and I've been just trying to keep my head above waters but tears kept falling down. 

I've got to admit that I'm really not so good at handling people, situations n stress. I kept breaking down or burnout that last night I afraid I might actually stress out David cos he also felt helpless in trying to pull me "out of the black box in the corner".

From missing cash to police station to being threatened to being disturbed phone calls to mental to conflicts to offenses... Each time this happen, I felt pushed to a corner, further in a corner, further into my darkness... People may see just their side of the story but they have no idea I'm already at the corner n already in darkness. They think they are just offended over one matter but that one thing is added to the mountain loads of stuffs others already pushing me into darkness. Last night was really like a straw that fall on my mountain load that just broke me. I know I was losing control of my sanity n just want to end it all n I'm more afraid because I know I wasn't even controlling my mind from thinking all those thoughts. I just let myself slip on n on... Free fall into depression n tots.  

When will stressful days be over? When will life turn around? When will people stop offended n angry at me? Can we all just live in peace? When will my peace of mind return to me? 

Life. Is stressful. 

But I'm glad there is David. Juliet asked me to remember, nov 2012 I'm still thinking when will I be loved but nov 2013 I will be getting married. Focus on the right things. David told me one thing which strike me last night. My biggest fear is that I will be thrown into the "cold palace" n being treated like a "toy" but what's the big deal? He said to me, "nobody can treat u like a toy unless u allow it". That kinda strike me. All these years I let it be and not voice out. So I should make a stand and even if my decision is wrong, I can't go back so I should just move on. 

That's him taking me to Bukit Tinggi to de-stress.. With lollipop! 
I can't stop being stressful n I can't stop people from stressing me but I can stop myself from sitting in the black box .. Because there is David Yap. 




Human for sale

Many hands make light works. One thing I miss after resigning from church is a group of people coming together to make a dream become reality.

Tonight i am reminded of the same feeling again. Everyone put hands together to make an event happen without personal gains and without prejudice.

I'm also nervous over what is gonna happen at tomoro's launch. Dunno what to expect but I hope it will be well received and people will be educated of this social issue.

God, protect us and help us!



Casting crown

This one liner from "homesick" is my cry tonight.. Won't You give me strength to make it thru somehow..

I'm so useless.
The higher the expectations
The harder the fall
The more u put in
The bigger the gaping hole

10.04.13