It's been a strange journey...

I'm in a strange journey...
Walking in a blur, stepping in a dream, moving in numbed emotions and stepping on a land fill with landmines that might or might not blow up in my face, bring me down and injuring those around me... masked face. masked emotions.


yet in the midst of this, there were various glimpse of light.
just like yesterday, being called out to dinner unexpectedly.
nailin said something that was really touching. she said that every time she needed me i was there for her and so for her this time i needed someone, she decided to clear her schedule to be here for me and offer her services. i was really moved but suddenly like that i dunno how to take off the mask and show my relieve and moved-face. i think i was kind stoic about it... which totally ruin the moment. but i am indeed really glad. in times of war, i need accomplice and a friend. i need someone that stand with me and support me.

just like i told yc. i really need her to be my sister for this next few months and i just need total friendship from her because i really need her to be for me in this two months.

maybe i did wrong. maybe i did not do good enough. maybe i'm all messed up.
why are there always so many front to fight against? die a little every day.
no matter how i do it, there's no pleasing anyone.
hurt ppl hurts ppl. ouch.. quietly continue to walk at the land with masked face, masked emotions, hoping no more landmines will explode... again.

BUT
God won't let me free fall.
"He will not allow u more than u can bear"
either a friend will encourage me or a gift came or favourite dessert arrived ...

and last night, an ultimate gift arrived... my grand uncle came. eighty over years old and he came after two over years.. the last time he came, I was only nine years old (i went to visit him twice in the past few years. in fact, once at the early of this year) and he's one of the most sayang me people on this earth and i know it's been his desire to come here to see everyone and he made it! That lifted my spirit several notch! He's one of the most sincerest and person Ive ever met. With no personal agenda, no bitterness in life and really care for me. After twenty over years and the first time i purposefully went to meet him at Sheung Shui, Hong Kong, one of the few first thing he quietly said to me as we were walking to lunch was, " i know he's (my dad) not been good to the family but it's ok. u grow up already, must take care yah..." i just tear up immediately. just the love and concern in his gesture made me feel so loved. THAT is my grand uncle. 81 years old this year. If I pass by/near Hong Kong, i will definitely drop in to visit him for sure.

Thank you, God. For bringing me love all the way from heaven to earth, from hong kong to kl... You the BEST God.

Cuti-Cuti KL Malls


The past week was great! Me and Trish felt like tourists in our own country! hahaha...

Friday night I went to Times Square to cut hair and walk around Offline Blogshop.

Sat & Sun work lah of course..

Monday I went for facial and waited for Trish to come from Kuantan. Saw David there too. When Trish arrive, we head on to Mid Valley and Gardens for the whole day and then had dinner with Skye. Must have Gong Cha at Gardens that day by demand of Trisha Wong! hehehe...

Tuesday we went to KLCC Shopping Mall and visited the Popular book fair at the convention centre. Invited Ching for dinner but she fly us aeroplane at the last minute. So we went to eat steamboat buffet at Subang then Chatime after that. Actually we stopped at Ming Tien on the way but didnt really feel like eating there so we left.

and must tell u we had this encounter... from KLCC, we took the train to KL Sentral hoping that the TNGo counter is open but it was not. On our way back to KLCC, we sat next to this chinese man (singaporean) on the verge of tears as he recounted his story of how he was robbed when he came down from the bus and the police were not helpful and some kind girl bought him the ticket to go to Ampang Park and walk to the Singapore Embassy to ask for help cos his passport was inside. We gave him twenty bucks so that he can at least have lunch and for the ticket back to KL Sentral later because his brother will arrive the next morning. Not sure if the story is true or not but at least we did something about it. the police actually asked him why was he so "careless"! that man was shaken and panicking cos he's now stranded without money or passport and all he got from the police was critic..? mm... i apologised on behalf of our country and our policemen. He insisted to get my number to pay me back. I insisted that he can just have it so he say he will pass on my twenty bucks to another needy person when he meet one. He was actually on his way to Jerantut for a meditation session. He's from a Buddhist society...

Wednesday we went to One Utama Shopping Mall to have lunch with Agape while Trisha shopped on her own. Then we were late and had to rush off to the bus station. Her bus leaves at 5pm and we arrive at 5pm. She ran in to the bus station and caught the bus in time to go home. After that she went Karaoke with her ex-schoolmates while I went home and doze off halfway reading a novel.

Today.... start work after this post! =)

What an interesting day...

Ok. I think today is interesting. At least for me, it's interesting. Interesting is personally defined as I learnt something new or discover a new experience. Personal definition.

So as usual I went to church but after church came to pc house for discipleship. Today we stool turn to share about our job. Although I vaguely know what some of them do but today I get to hear them and ask them question. I discovered that Su Leen does clinical trial, mostly with cancerous patience. I learnt that Charlene worked as IT departmental had before. Now I know that Carolyn always thought of doing IT but ended up as music teacher. All new information for me after years of being in the same group.

Then I hate a one to one session with pc where we talked through some challenges and work out some working together on the production. I feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel. An opening at the dead end I thought I've reached. It's weird. I'm still trying to comprehend the situation and how to walk around and through it. Truly a weird feeling.

And then, more interesting is that Neil Batiancila came to cook for pc because he and Ying are meeting pc for pre marital counseling. Of course they invited me to dinner. Standing there in the kitchen, seeing Neil and Ying cook and pc's occasional banter there and there and joining into the conversation with them are all more or less first time experience for me. I'm close tonic but not to close to Neil and I don't think I ever seen Neil n Ying in dating mode. Hahaha.. But interesting dinner. The food is good. Verdict is - Neil can cook. Maybe u already know that. Hahaha...

Ok. The night has not ended. Kareem went to fetch Kel from the airport and when he drop Kel, pc invited him to come in for a round of board game! Yeah.. Not touched a board game for months.. I think it was before pc went away.. That would be like march..? Wondering what game and how it will be like. Playing game for me is an intentional step because generally I too insecure to lose. I can don't win or be somewhere in the middle but I don't want to be at the bottom. Me n my issues lah... So usually I opt to be the game master in all the previous year camps. Hahaha... One step at a time. One step... =)

Off from tomoro onwards.. Yahoo.. Off days off days are the best days!

ok... I LOST HORRIBLY playing with pc n kareem. horribly.... hahaha...


Sent from my iPad

My New Green Watch

Recently, there was like thought that sneaked into my mind. 

I wanted to get a Baby-G watch and then the PC got a gift of a Baby-G and this one tiny thought sneaked in my mind ... "God wont care enough to bless u with one cos u dont deserve it." I immediately shrug it off and tell myself not to believe that because God also blessed me with many gifts from various people and I should not believe such lies! But few times the thought tries to sneak in again... 

i was looking at various models and fixing my budget and asking my friend's opinion if he got 'jalan' to buy such thing. then he just say that he'll get it for me. i was actually shocked plus the watch is like two hundred plus. as usual i told him no need it's ok and too expensive of a gift to receive. the next day he actually seriously went to search watch shops to get me one. 

other close friends started asking me like why and how come and questions... but deep inside i know it's God answering me and assuring me that HE remembers me and call me by my name. For someone that is insecure like me, constant assurance is much needed and HE do know me inside out.

Childhood

Was watching this series on the various journeys of the characters linked to this school for the delinquents.
As each episode unfold, the viewer are brought to see the story behind each child and how they end up in this school. One boy was forced to dress up s girl to serve alcohol to earn alcohol money for the father, another was left by the father, another brothers were beaten by the father and locked into dog cage when he go out.. Maybe there were drama elements but we can never be too shocked to know that that is happening. In the world.

But even the teachers have their own journeys.. One was a delinquent himself. Newly released from prison because he took the fall for his big brother who happens to be his brother in law so that the guy can take care of his I'll sister. Another had a controlling mother that loved him too much. Another was being controlled and manipulated by her foster mother to live her life as per her teeniest command spoken. Who say adults knows everything? Most adults knows nuts!

Their lives were all changed as they come to this school to be helped or to give help. The school is run by a pastor that is humbly very influential because he'd touched many lives. . Ironically, its a a church. A pastor. And s every one journey together, they discover new love, new hope, new way to live life and move on from their pasts.

The story has not finish but every time I watch an episode, I will be encouraged. My life is really not that bad and there needs to be real love in this world and not just fake love or love to manipulate others. Everyone deserves it.

discovering myself

I think i just realised something about myself: I dont like to lend things to ppl!

Not so much cos i'm selfish but more cos things that i owned are well-thought through 'asset' that i need for a certain purpose or cause ... down to the suitability of the size and capability per situation i will be in... with no duplicates or backup for it.

Just one piece of the puzzle to fit into one particular part in my life. and lending it out bring some form of 'cacat' or deformity or incomplete in my daily routine. not just bring inconvenience to my routines, it disrupts my life and worse if the borrower spoils it, scratches it, misuse it... sigh.. i will be terribly upset!! and when i need it and it's not here for me, i will be disrupted and then agitated! hahahahah.....

then ... does it mean i can dont lend things out to ppl? not really. just mean that i need to learn to live with myself and learn to live with other ppl in this world.. especially those around me. still got to lend some things to ppl cos i need to learn to share lor... *resign to fate. but one thing i definitely dont lend out so no need to ask is borrow my laptop. NO WAY. nah ah... not even when i'm not bringing it to travel with me. *sweet smile*

June 2011 - Krabi, Thailand!

Time to go! Destination: Krabi! Where everyone can fly! hahaha...

Jess decided to visit this year and i asked her what would she like to do. i can take a few days off and spend some time with her. and we decided on krabi cos it's cheaper! hahaha.. so here we are... flying off again!

we actually took another shot like this where the guy behind was giving this confused dunno-what-we-doing face ! ahahhaa...

checked in. our room is amazing! we booked this accommodation together with the flight and airport transfers via airasia-go. this is the first time i actually tried it but all in all, it was worth it and save a lot of extra googling for help. definitely will do it again.

it's quite big! and comes with a big balcony too which we used to hang all the wet clothes coming back from all the soaking wet activities!

and the amazing window that can look into the toilet. hahahaa... we had so much fun taking funny shots with it but it's all in jess' camera.

this is where we stayed. the Aonang Princeville Hotel. if you do not know, krabi has this one street where all the activities are like mushrooms growing along there. our hotel is situated just at this street which makes life much more easier for us. every day we walk up and down this street looking for goodies and for food and shopping of course!

it's at this street. up and down we walked. (cos no other street.. hahaha..)

first stop, at a tailor! ABSOLUTE TAILOR. the workmanship is quite good! and me being cheeky, wanted to take photo with this huge coat that was hanging there. ahahaha....

i made didnt know earlier that it's the best place to do custom made clothes but jess came all prepared with some pants that she wanted it to be copied. in the end i made a blazer. the amazing thing about their services is i can ask for anything and they will try to put it in... shorter in length, one button to become two buttons in front, one pocket on one side and two pockets on the other side, gets to choose the material, i wanted three quarter length sleeves with striped lining inside, and finally even a hidden pocket at the inside lining! Anything also can! and they can make it fast like overnight or in 2 days. i love my new blazer!

our first thai meal. nice-y! before this meal, we went scouting for a tour agent for activities for the next two days. since it's low season, all prices were cut by 40%! which is really good for us! and it's really by God's blessing. both of us didnt know what to expect or whether is it a good time to go krabi or not but God really blessed us. although it's supposedly low season cos it's rainy days, the two days that we went for all our activities were just cloudy but not rainy so we got to do everything. but on the last day, it was pouring cats and dogs when we were at the airport. wow! good timing cos we serve a good God! =)

So Day 2, we head out quite far for the white water rafting + elephant trekking + atv ride. Half way through the drive, we HAD to stop at the monkey temple! goodness! why must there be monkeys every time i travel?? i assertively told the guide I AM NOT GETTING OUT OF THE VAN! and good thing he didnt insisted for me to go down after he heard my traumatic encounter with monkeys at bali. he wiisely left me alone. Jess went with him for a walk. there were seriously soooooo many monkeys.. on the trees, even crossing the road, hanging from the trees and some ang mohs even carried them on their shoulders for photos! in chinese we have a saying "dunno how to write the 'die' word"!

after that, we head straight to the white water rafting venue. there's like a certain timing to do this so that water is fuller at the river.

that's me blending in with the raft! hahha...

just killing time cos waiting for the other group to come along so can share the raft wor...

more goofing around.
after the rest arrived, we left all belongings at the base and the guide tied a string to my specs so that it wont fall off. first they started with the training on how to "lock in" ourselves and how to balance and how to paddle forward/backward. then finally, threw us into the raft and we hanged on for our dear lives! hahahhaa...

after 5km, the rest alighted but me n jess decided to head down another 4km. during this time, it's just the two of us plus the two guides paddling. i decided to give up my paddle altogether because jess hit me with hers then i hit her with mine then someone hit me on the head with her paddle (thank god for the helmet cos it prevented a serious concussion from the hits). what a nuisance. the guide took my paddle from me and i just hang on to the strap at the raft! hahaha...

the whole ride was super funny and the guides were super playful. everyone (other rafts + other tourists) were just splashing water all over everyone and during each stop, they try to drag us or pull us from behind INTO the water!

at one particular time during the last 4km, both the guides conspire to send me into the water! and after landed into the water, they say bye bye as though leaving me there. i jokingly shouted 'cut money! cut money! discount 500baht!' and they laughingly apologised and took me back into the raft. at one point, they decided to pull a prank on me by jerking me across the raft! at the brink of sliding down a slope, they purposely twisted the raft so that it does not go forward down but side ways down! making me lunged forward. they were happily high-five-ing in front of me! hahahaha... the whole thing was pure wet fun! ahhaha...

then all drenched, we continued on to elephant trekking just 5 mins drive away. we sat barefooted on top of this prickly female elephant and walked around in the plantation/jungle. this is the 'elephant-driver'.

again we were just hanging on for our dear lives! but it was so bumpy, i told jess it's possible that we will slim down from moving our bodies so much!


this is the tour guide that took us to the activities but he's not the guide for each of the activities. he just carry my bag and waited for us at each activity. he speaks better english than the rest. i cant understand the rest of the ppl!

when we came back to the base for lunch, i went straight to the toilet and jess went to the lunch table. she later told me she was wondering why were the ppl hanging around and peeping behind her when she walked past. then when i came out from the toilet, the cheeky rafter was waiting outside there with a stalk of flower and asked me, "dun cut money?" hhahhaha... jess told me later that my serious face made the two guides concerned and he even asked her if i'm ok or not.. hahaha..


after lunch is ATV ride time! me driving it was just for photo's sake. after like, i think, less than 50meter or 5 min of driving it, we were going down a slope and i suddenly forgot how to break the thing.. and flew straight down the slope and almost slammed behind another guide. he swerved to avoid me so i slammed into the the wall of a mound of earth i think. aahhha... after that the guide in front of me turned around and told me, "you no drive. you passenger.".. ahhaha.. which i gladly let him take over the driving as i sat behind him and hang on for my life again!... but that gave me time to look around and enjoy.

Jess was the champion! she drove behind him all the way without stopping.. at the end of one hour, her thumb was so sore from pressing the accelerator! hahaha... she admitted that there were many times she wanted to ask for stop to take a break! hahaha..

we came back all muddy and in a total mess! the locals were amused with us wanting to take a picture of how muddy we look instead of just quickly washing it off!

after the atv, we took the long drive back to the hotel. by the time we reach hotel, the flower was already crushed by jess' bag... aahahah.. i was already tired and was just glad to be able to get out of the wet clothes and take a long hot shower!

after shower and went for fitting at the tailor and then - hunting for McD!
if u see the extra bag i was carrying, that's cos along the way, we cant help ourselves and stopped for shopping. bought a black cocktail dress that i super loved it. the moment i see it, i knew that it will definitely fit me and if i try it on, i will surely buy it. true to every word, i tried it on and bought it.. along with a purpler pair of slippers for pc (which she loved it).

Trish, this is for u! first the yam pie at hong kong, now the pineapple pie at thai!

jess insisted that we try the pork burger. so here we are. the fries were kinda like coated with salt! sooooo salty!

we wanted to go for a massage but since it was too late for that, we decided to do manicure and pedicure and nail art instead! they asked us to choose the design. then they didnt manage to copy the design onto my nails. again the locals were concerned that i will be angry and added 'bling bling' stones to my nails to pacify me! ahahahaa... i think i seriously got a serious face! 3 times in a day!

jess' nails. i prefer the artistic types (which they didnt manage to copy) whereas jess prefers the more batik style!

Day 3 is the day of island hopping.. about seven islands! we were joined by many others in one boat. about 20 pax i counted.

first stop, snorkelling at this beach. nothing to shout about since it's quite shallow and not many fishes.. but good place to start so that we can learn the trick of it.
this is my actual first time snorkelling. in fact it's also the first time for jess. took us a few tries to get used to it. the trick is.... jeng jeng jeng.... dont move your mouth once under water else water will go in and instead of breathing with your mouth, you will be broop broop broop-ing! hahaha... not even a smile or a tweak of the lips!

next island - some kind of abandoned caves or so.


there's this japanese man sitting next to us. he's from osaka. a retired high school teacher travelling one month in krabi+bangkok. he cant speak much so i totally salute his travelling alone!

next island - stop in the middle of nowhere and ask us to just drop in for snorkelling... water is really deep here! i was too lazy to keep myself afloat so i used the life jacket. when i wanted to climb back into the boat, i knocked my left knee and right shin at the steel stairs and fell back into the water! hahaha... ops...

ok... there are three couples here. (from left to right)
first couple in black and white are sooo sweet... the husband will go down into the water first to wait for the wife then they will snorkel holding hands together! sooooo sweet...
then this couple in the middle are the most make-me-n-jess-jealous. ahahha.. the guy really take very good care of the girl and hold her whenever she almost fall and when she dozed off, he held her head so that it does not fall off and every time he turned around, he will kiss her forehead.. awww... sooooooo loving! =)
the two couple sitting in front are like two independent souls. always the first to jump into the water. ahahaha...
that's us at the front of the boat!
next island - a beach where we stopped for while. the two of us were already counting how many more to go. we just sat there at the beach and watch ppl. there was this korean couple on honeymoon (i guessed)... one in pink bikini, one in pink boardshorts and using a pink camera, snapping and playing with each other! hahaha.. i feel like watching i'm a korean drama series. ppl actually do DO like the drama series in real life?! hahahaha...

the bruise is starting to swell from the fall earlier... this is the before.

jess was so bored, she made me into frog-leg-pads! hahaha..

next island - monkey island!!!!!! how come i always ended up in places like this. i was adamantly telling Jess that I WILL NOT GET OUT OF THE BOAT! hahaha.. and then the guide announced that we wont be going down (phew!) because the monkeys are wild and if we dont feed them, they might bite and then we will need to turn back to land to get vaccine shots so it's safer for us to only take photos from a short distance away. again i see all the ang mohs seeking out the monkeys to take photos with them! another group of ppl that in chinese we say 'die d also dunno why'!

lunch time we stopped at this island. there are lots of shops and it's also the diving hub where PADI is stationed and also many diving classes were offered.
that's my lunch! the ppl were so hungry that they were just pushing at the buffet queue!

dont ask me why she got this shocked face! she also dunno why.

the final island for snorkelling before heading back to land. i decided to skip this one out partly cos my bruise is painful and partly i didnt want to climb into the boat again later! so i took shots of jess instead. but there's definitely more fishes swimming here!

After a long hot day from beach to beach, we definitely need to hydrate ourselves. this is my ever faithful supplements. a must to bring along during all my trips - PECKERS! life saver! sick saving! cheers! =)

after the supplements, we can now eat all the junk food we want! ahahaha... this pack looks like little drumsticks. so cute!


on the final night, we decided to try the street food instead of a restaurant. we packed to eat back at the hotel in front of the tv. this is phad thai. it tasted sweet. i was not really used to sweetened "char kuey teow" and by then, i was starting with a mild gastric pain so i didnt finish it.

the deep fried 'potato chips' that got jess into the must try mode!

this is how it kinda looks like now. 6cm in diameter! hahaha.. my souvenir from krabi. actually there are 4 bruise patches but this is the most severe. last nite i saw little joanna.. and she kept staring at it and ask .."wat happened..??" in such a cute way!

and my camera fogs up every morning. this is my final and daily breakfast looks like.

after this, it's time to go home! travelling is nice and fun but home is home. glad to go home now and back to the mountain of work that i'm sure is piling higher by the day! next destination? cuti-cuti malaysia this december! =)