am i a contender?

we've not had a church camp since years...
but last week, once again, ecf regroup to port dickson for a contender church camp. sometimes i do wonder whether if i am really a contender.
i guess like pc says, when i fix my eyes on God, i'm quite walking-on-water-faith, i'm a contender but if i don't fix my eyes at Him, i tend to look at the wind and the storm and start this sinking feeling...
one thing i really pick up from the sessions is that 'if your top layer is peeled off, what would be revealed underneath'. it's kind of like the throne question pc posted to us 'if you follow the trace of your heart, it would lead u to a throne and who is on that throne?'
i guess many times it's me on the throne.. but i am trying most times to dethrone myself once the red alert button is blinking. = )
so back to the onion question, what's underneath?, will your character be able to sustain your success? i'm still pondering over that question and still wondering if my character's good enough?
many times and many things, i don't know. but one thing i know, if i ask God, He'll tell me and that is what i need desperately.
that's where i get all the answers to those disciples with many questions (ahem! u know who u r) and to the many times i lead cells. i don't go to cells all charged and all confidence and all knowing... i go in fear and trembling as tho walking on water knowing only that all i need to do is fixing my eyes of God and He'll use me! that's what i call trusting in Him.