this year's november has been a great deal different and altogether moving out of my control or expectations...
this november, i've been asked to return the church office keys, my access card and termination of my sharon.lim@eaglepoint.org.my email address. although i know it's about time and it's only right for me to return all those but on the other hand i still feel heavy hearted and pushed myself to be strong to do it. the very first set of keys since the church first moved in to this building in 2002. the access card that gives me the freedom to go in and out of the office. the email address that i started, the domain name that i registered and the ten years of history all in that email address. letting it go. putting it down. moving on. giving up my "identity" or rather filing it as my history, my past, my ex. i hope some day in my funeral-time, it will all come out as a memory again because working in church has been a big part of my life and print and the proof of my existence in flesh in the past.
this november, my muimui miss lee yean ching is engaged soon to be mrs poelman! im extremely happy for them! and im grateful to greg for involving me in the whole proposal process that i can be there to witness this important moment in my sister's life. the every day vigors of life has quietly moved on the days on the calendar and suddenly i felt soooo old. she was still a kid when i first got to know her and now she's gonna be someone's wife soon! life continues to move on whether one lives it or not.
this november, i knew of four birthdays and threw two surprise birthday parties! (both with help of course). one is the aunty of a good friend, one is a good friend, two of my staffs! the joy of the moment can be really touching and happy but the daily routines in life can easily fade off the memory as offended is a stronger feeling that can easily wipe out the good old days. one moment she can be happy and appreciative and over joy, the next day, can forget about it and become offended over a delayed request. mmmm... the bottom line is people have selective memory! but lamentations aside, i still wanna wish them all happy birthday all the days of their lives! 
this november, i will be going away for two whole months. on one hand, i wanted the breakaway, on the other hand, i wish there is someone here to take care of my mom so that she's not alone! but i dunno how to balance this both and end up making a mess out of the whole ordeal. i dont want to but i don't know how not to end up here. so im just gonna just do it and make a better decision the next round.
this november, i cut my locks. maybe it's a way of moving on. =)
