Walking in a blur, stepping in a dream, moving in numbed emotions and stepping on a land fill with landmines that might or might not blow up in my face, bring me down and injuring those around me... masked face. masked emotions.
yet in the midst of this, there were various glimpse of light.
just like yesterday, being called out to dinner unexpectedly.
nailin said something that was really touching. she said that every time she needed me i was there for her and so for her this time i needed someone, she decided to clear her schedule to be here for me and offer her services. i was really moved but suddenly like that i dunno how to take off the mask and show my relieve and moved-face. i think i was kind stoic about it... which totally ruin the moment. but i am indeed really glad. in times of war, i need accomplice and a friend. i need someone that stand with me and support me.
just like i told yc. i really need her to be my sister for this next few months and i just need total friendship from her because i really need her to be for me in this two months.
maybe i did wrong. maybe i did not do good enough. maybe i'm all messed up.
why are there always so many front to fight against? die a little every day.
no matter how i do it, there's no pleasing anyone.
hurt ppl hurts ppl. ouch.. quietly continue to walk at the land with masked face, masked emotions, hoping no more landmines will explode... again.
BUT
God won't let me free fall.
"He will not allow u more than u can bear"
either a friend will encourage me or a gift came or favourite dessert arrived ...
and last night, an ultimate gift arrived... my grand uncle came. eighty over years old and he came after two over years.. the last time he came, I was only nine years old (i went to visit him twice in the past few years. in fact, once at the early of this year) and he's one of the most sayang me people on this earth and i know it's been his desire to come here to see everyone and he made it! That lifted my spirit several notch! He's one of the most sincerest and person Ive ever met. With no personal agenda, no bitterness in life and really care for me. After twenty over years and the first time i purposefully went to meet him at Sheung Shui, Hong Kong, one of the few first thing he quietly said to me as we were walking to lunch was, " i know he's (my dad) not been good to the family but it's ok. u grow up already, must take care yah..." i just tear up immediately. just the love and concern in his gesture made me feel so loved. THAT is my grand uncle. 81 years old this year. If I pass by/near Hong Kong, i will definitely drop in to visit him for sure.
Thank you, God. For bringing me love all the way from heaven to earth, from hong kong to kl... You the BEST God.
